Some Days are Diamonds, Some Days are Dust

I had one very dusty day yesterday. I did not (again) pass my Ten Fox test. I had a good, relaxed warm up, but got nervous when it was time to dance in front of the three-judge panel. 


After warm-up, I saw my freestyle coach sitting in the stands. I asked her if she saw my warm-up, she replied, "Yes." That was it; just "Yes." I knew at that moment what she thought - "No way is she going to pass this test." I asked her what she thought. Her response was "I don't know. It's the Mohawk; it's a problem." I NEVER should have had this conversation with her right before the test. Lesson learned: Don't ask a question if you can't handle the answer. Ah duh!


One judge passed me, the other two, including his wife, gave me the big "Retry." I'm not surprised. I knew the minute I got off the ice that I had not passed the test.


Here's what I got from the test:

• I skated *clean*, meaning no falls or major mistakes, like missing steps, falling out of pattern, etc.
• I certainly got judges' feedback (read BIG criticism) that I wanted. To wit: "No expression," "Edges too shallow," "Walking steps, not running." Oddly, no comments about the outside Mohawk and drop three-turns, although as my friend Janet said, "It was probably the whole picture that they were looking at" (or something like that.)
• I did get to dance with a drop-dead stunning *fab* ice dancer, great human being and friend in Coach Chris. He was amazing yesterday. So supportive, stayed with me the entire time from when he arrived until I got the results, tried to keep me calm. Coach C, you get very high marks for being there for me!
• I did get to listen to "Slow Boat to China" for the last time. I will never use this music again for anything.
• I know what I need to work on, but don't know if I will ever be able to accomplish what the judges are looking for. I will never ice dance like a 40 year-old. Just isn't going to happen, I fear. 

Here's what I didn't get from the test:

• Being able to recognize that not passing is not a metaphor for my life. Going to have to work on this one. I'm feeling pretty down right now about this result. So much hard work (not to mention money) for a less than positive outcome is hard to accept. 

I am spending the day at home licking my wounds from yet another "Retry" and working on a quilt for a silent auction for Sacramento SPCA's big fundraiser in October.

Onward through life.